Tag Archives: Life

Today’s Leftovers, 11th Issue, 2011

Once again I’m trying to get back into the writing mood/mode *g* with compiling a Leftovers’ post. It’s a start. Kind of. I don’t know. Every once in a while I think “you have to write a post about *that*” but then I never do, because I’m too tired or too distracted or can’t focus on one thing long enough. But it’s getting better. I hope…

This will be a pretty short post, because I’m incredibly tired and am planning to go to bed soon. Before 10 pm on a Friday night. I feel like a loser, but I can’t help it. I didn’t sleep well last night and I had the next Tysabri IV this morning and those meds always make me groggy, so add the lack of sleep from last night and you get why I have troubles keeping my eyes open.

The thing that’s keeping me most busy at the moment is moving this blog to a self-hosted platform. It shouldn’t have been top priority on my to-do-list, but once I set my mind to it, I couldn’t help it. It’s still a work in progress, and this blog isn’t going to change much, but I will get a few nice things out of it. Decent ways to include photos and videos and all that. Just wait and see :-)

I’ve also been distracted by busy reading the “Wilderness” novel series, which I managed to read over the last few weeks. [A glowing review of this series was one of the un-written posts of the last few days]. I liked the characters and the writing and the time period in which the story takes place and I really enjoyed to accompany the Bonner family through these 30 years. I already miss them a little bit.

Over the summer I’ve also managed to catch up with “Switched at Birth” and really loved this show and I am so glad there will be more episodes later this year (or early next year). I also started watching “Suits” and have enjoyed it so far, even though I still am not a friend of Gabriel Macht’s slick hair in this role. It fits the character, but still… Ewww!

My friends and I have already managed to book our trip to the 2012 Icehockey Worldchampionship in Stockholm, Sweden. Yay! I’m so excited, because we used to have a great time at every worldchampionship we have been to over the last few years. And it’s in Stockholm, which is one of my favourite European cities, ever since I’ve been there as university exchange student (6 months) in 1997/1998. I’ve been back to Stockholm twice for a few days in 2003 and 2010 and I’m very much looking forward to this next trip in 8 months and 7 days. Yay!

I know there probably were some more things I wanted to write about, but right now my brain is much too tired to remember those things. I guess it will have to wait till the next post, which even might be the first post published on the “new” blog. Stay tuned…

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Lost in Procrastination

I really don’t like myself much at the moment. Why? Because I’m lazy and unfocused and I avoid and put things off and procrastinate like a pro. At the moment it really seems like I could win gold medals if there was such a thing as the Worldchampionship of Procrastination. I feel like postponing and avoiding things is all I do. And I still haven’t figured out why. I always used to be a bit like that, especially with stuff or tasks I dreaded, but sooner or later I got over it and just dealt with whatever it was I postponed for a while. But this time, I feel like I don’t even do that, but let it all gather and pile up and bury me. Ok, the last might be exaggerating, but I really have no idea how to get out of this weird state of mind.

I spend much too much time thinking about anytime, anywhere or anyplace but the “right here right now”. If I don’t think about that, I watch TV shows or at the moment am completely hooked on the Wilderness novel series. I feel like I completely lack any self-control, because I know I should for example read textbooks for the grad school class I’m enrolled in at the moment instead of spending all my time reading about the Bonner family. I know that and I know that I should and could put the novel away and actually be productive in some way. I just don’t want to. Which might contradict the “could do it” part, I know.

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A Change of Scenery Can Do Wonders…

This post will not include pictures (yet), because I wrongly assumed that my new camera had the same USB recaptable than my phone and thus I didn’t bring the right connector/plug to transfer photos to my netbook. I might either update this post with photos in a few days or more likely write a follow up post with lots of pictures.

I had planned this short vacation because I was so sick of my everyday life. Tired of the daily hassle of work at the office and work for my local Greens. Tired of various other seemingly important issues I have to deal with. I had hoped that a mere change of scenery would help to leave all the stress and (more emotionally than physically) tiresome stuff behind. I admit that I somehow expected it to not work out this way and that I would still spend too much time thinking about non-vacation stuff.
So imagine my suprise and more important my delight when I realized that this vacation here obviously was/is just what I needed. All the issues and all the people that used to bother me to some degree seem so far away. Stored away somewhere in the far back of my mind. I just don’t think about any of it. At all. Except right now when I actually try to remember all the stuff I don’t think about at the moment, if that makes any sense.

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My MS Is Really Trying to Kick My Butt This Year

When I got my first Tysabri IV on 3rd June I didn’t naively believe that it would manage to stop my MS from progressing right away. I knew it would take some time for this medication to take effect and that I might even have relapses while I’m on it. I did not however expect a relapse just little over a week after I got the first IV of this new MS wonder drug! But exactly that happened and it’s so not fair and it sucks! Big time.
I had such a hard time making up my mind about if I want to try this new drug in the first place and I spend most of February and the beginning of March thinking and worrying about it and trying to cope with the fact that my MS is progressing much more than I believed it did. I spend most of February in a rather dark place and I was so happy when I finally got out of it and managed to put the whole MS issue in the back of my mind again, where it belongs, because I don’t want this issue to rule my life. And then… The MS strikes once more. I admit that right now I’m not just concerned about the current symptoms and but also insanely mad that I have an MS attack at all! After all the mental and emotional crap it already had put me through this year. I am so pissed off!

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|Prompts| for Mid-June

I’m really trying to get back into writing and blogging mood. Consider this as an exercise.

|First| Being at a city hall wedding. Lunch at IKEA restaurant. (Those events were unrelated :-) )
|Last| ‘Retired’ from some of my Green Party functions.
|Old| My MS acting up again, which freaks me out and worries me quite a bit, to be honest.
|New| Being addicted to the “Gilmore Girls”
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“Mourning” My Phone…

When I had to renew my cell phone contract (and get a new phone) at the end of 2009 I knew I wanted to get a smartphone, even though I only had a vague idea why and what exact kind of phone I wanted. I didn’t compare a lot of offers or such I bought the one that was a new / special offer from my phone carrier and I was more or less happy with this decision.
Over the last two years I read/heard about and saw a lot of others, newer, better smartphones and once I learned more about the limitations of the Palm Pre (for example: not nearly as much Apps as there are for iPhone or Android) I knew that my next phone would not be a Palm but either iPhone or Android. Just a few weeks ago I even already tried to get an idea of which kind of Android phones are on the market and which I might buy, if I wouldn’t buy an iPhone.

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“I believe we survive…”

I sometimes wonder, how all those years ago after I first got the diagnosis MS, I had not slipped into a depression or started to worry about my future more than ordinarly necessary. Because I usually am the person to worry a lot. It comes with the whole low self-esteem issue and all that crap. Back then that was even worse than it is nowadays. Today I sometimes still expect things to turn out bad for me and question my self and how others perceive me. Not as much as I did ten years ago, but it still happens.

Anyway, I never had these serious, deep dark doubts and fears regarding my MS, which still baffles me. I worried and of course still worry, especially with the recent development, but I never ever believed that I would not “survive” it somehow. Yes, I had sleepless nights and worried and was feeling down a lot earlier this year, but never to that extent, that I was “giving up” in anyway. It baffles me, but in a really good way.

I’ve just finished re-watching episode 3.16 of Grey’s Anatomy and could really relate to something Izzie said in the end. I could relate to it even back then, but I seem to have forgotten about it. Like I have forgotten about a lot of things Izzie said and did, that I actually like, because the writers decided to ruin her character later on. Anyway…

I believe in the good. I believe that it’s been a hell of a year. And I believe in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary we will all be okay. […] I believe we survive. I believe, that believing we survive is what makes us survive.

It really hit home this time, especially after what I’ve gone through the past few months. And it’s weird that I’ve watched this today, because it’s my birthday today and just like New Year’s Eve birthdays are the days where I’m looking back on the last 12 months and out to the next 12 months and I felt especially touched by this today.

And now I already start to worry again if anyone might think that announcing that it’s my birthday today makes me look desperately fishing for birthday wishes or sometimes. Which I’m not. But I had to mention it, because it the reason why Izzie’s words resonated so strongly with me today, that I felt the need to write a post about it…

Now I’m off to continue watching the ferrycrash-arc before I’ll head over to my mom’s for cake and coffee and sitting on the patio and just enjoying a day in the sun…