My friend Heidi
complained (*g*) wondered why I hadn’t posted something about my trip to Berlin yet. Honestly? Because my mind was too occupied with work stuff and health stuff and because I was lazy. I only yesterday transfered the photos from my camera to the hard drive of my computer. I’m not sure if I will ever post some photos, because by now I’ve learned to not say “I’ll write about that/post this later this week/month”, because I’ll never do that after all. I really did enjoy my short stay in Berlin, I saw lots of the “important sites/buildings” and I think it would be boring to list all of them here. The Jewish Museum is worth mentioning though, because it’s great museum, an incredible building and taught me (or made me recall) a lot about Jewish history and culture. I thought I’d also link to a few of the shops I spend so much money in (the shop at the Jewish museum was one of them) but I can’t find the receipts at the moment, so I have to wait for my creditcard bill to find out the shop’s name again :-)
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My hockey team had an amazing 6:4 win last night! Yay! The game itself wasn’t all that amazing all the time, but who cares? They won and it was such an important win if they still want to keep up the last bit of hope of getting into the playoffs. So YAY for the Cologne Sharks!
Oh boy, did this week suck so far. There was an insane amount of work in both jobs. Being assigned to do things I usually don’t like doing. Scrap the “usual”: Things I generally don’t like doing. I took the late afternoon off, which only means I have to do some of the stuff tomorrow, but I really needed a break.
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I managed to – once again – damage Bro3’s car. Not badly, but the rear right side of the car touched the wall of concrete when I navigated around a corner in a parking garage. To my defense I can only say, that the garage is being overhauled at the moment, so it’s basically a construction site with narrow lanes and all…. Who am I kidding? It shouldn’t have happened, construction site or not. I guess there go another part of my savings *sigh*
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I saw “The King’s Speech” this evening and I really enjoyed it. Colin Firth did an incredible job and definitely deserves every award for this performance. Just like “The Queen” a couple of years ago, it felt a bit weird to see a movie about the real British royal family, who I’ve seen on TV, in magazines etc all my life. The most impressive thing besides Colin Firth’ performance to me was, how much Helena Bonham Carter managed to play the “Queen Mum” in her 3os in such a way, that I totally recognized the “Queen Mum” (aged 80 and older) I know from my childhood. Does that sound weird? Probably, but that was my impression. (I guess I’ve paid too much attention to the British Royal family as a child *g*)
I wrote a “Leftovers” post on the train on my way to Berlin on Thursday, but the mobile internet connection sucked, so I couldn’t post it and I was to busy to do that while I was in Berlin. It wasn’t important stuff anyway, just my attempt to leave some kind of “I’m still alive” message here.
I’ve written this post on the train on my way back home and was smart enough to not even try to post it until I got home to my wi-fi : -)
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I had a great time in Berlin. I didn’t do as many of the tourist-y things I planned to do, but I guess that’s typical for these kind of weekends in the big city : -) All the more reason to come back and not wait another 10 years (it’s been that long since my last and actually first ever trip to our capital)
I don’t know how I always manage to procrastinate through my days. Well, I actually do know… watching a lot of TV shows might be top on my list. But I’ve also have been rather busy all week with work and stuff and my MS is still bothering me quite a bit. Not so much as a few weeks ago but still bothering me, physically and every once in a while my head is just so full.
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In my latest Grey’s review I mentioned my favourite “plotdevice”, the snoring / earplug thing in season 3. I watched those episodes again on Friday and then the current season 7 seemed to suck even more, because the old seasons were just so much better. This made me want to revisit the good old times and I decided to watch the show (or at least have the episodes running in the background) again from the beginning. Yes, I know I’m crazy and I’ve watched my favourite parts of the old episodes over and over again, but rarely complete episodes. It’s so easy to have them running on the laptop on the kitchen table while I’m cooking or cleaning the dishes.
There were some great moments in season 1 (I’m done with episode 4) so far. But also some screwed up timeline in the Ellis Grey background story. You know, she left for Boston 25 years ago. But that scrub nurse was her nurse for 18 years. The nurse obviously stayed in Seattle, so did Ellis once return to Seattle. With Meredith? This might explain why there even still was a house in Seattle… I’m probably thinking too much about this. Anyway, the old episodes rocked compared to the new ones. *sigh*
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I was too busy/tired to compile a project365 post for the last two weeks. I even had problems coming up with nice deas for week 5 and the theme “tired” and I had zero idea for week 6 and the theme “sleep”. I decided to choose my own theme for that week and that was “plants”, but I have to admit I was too busy/tired to take daily photos, so I cheated during the weekend. Still haven’t gotten around to actually compile the posts… I guess, the TV shows kept me too busy ;-) But I did take the pictures, so that’s at least the first step…
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I still haven’t gotten around to do much of the “sightseeing planning” for my short trip to Berlin next weekend either. But I’m working on that, bit by bit. And I still got the over 3 hours on the train next Thursday, I can do a lot of planning then as well :-)
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I’m off to a hockey game later tonight. My Cologne Sharks play against the team from Düsseldorf. Cologne and Düsseldorf traditionally have an intense rivalry about almost everything and of course in sports. So it really really sucks that Düsseldorf is doing so good at the moment while we are at ranking’s bottom. We’re going to defeat them tonight anyway! (At least I hope so *g*)
I’m still feeling pretty crappy. The acute MS symptoms are still bothering me, especially as they don’t lessen as much or as fast as I’d love them to. I’m suffering from worse “after effects” of the IV than ever before and am starting to be paranoid. Not literally paranoid, but still… ugh, I’d love to have a break. And to get a decent night of sleep. This has been so so exhausting.
Being forced to reevaluate my state of health and my own perception of it all and to make up my mind about the other treatment my doc suggested is exhausting as well. I don’t have to decide anything within the next few weeks, which is good, because I couldn’t. But just the fact that I have to think about this and can’t go on living in this weird mix of acceptance/denial in which I existed the last few years, is annoying like hell. I wasn’t living in denial, I accepted the diagnosis and what came with it and that the MS would trouble me every once in a while. I would have been fine with that kind of development. But to find out that this might all have been a false conclusion and that I’m not doing as fine as I think and feel I do, is rather frustrating. I guess I still haven’t quite wrapped my head around it…
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I still have a lot of fun doing the macro shots for this week’s project365 assignment.
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Another thing that’s really bugging me about this whole health issue: Worrying about it keeps my mind so ocuppied, that I can’t think about nicer stuff that I could also spend my time with. Planning the short trip to Berlin in February and such….
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The Sharks lost the hockey game in Berlin. Too bad. From what I’ve heard on the radio they played rather well, so … :-(
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Another night (and even a Friday!) where I’ll be going to bed before 11 pm. If I didn’t feel so crappy, I would call this pathetic.
Health update: The acute MS symptoms have still only lessened a bit. I know the corticoisteorid IVs don’t always help magically over night but it still sucks. So do the side effects of the IVs, even though I’ve already had those worse during previous IV cycles. But the more importand news: The results from yesterdays MRI results are not good. It seems that even though I have had relatively light attacks (compared to other patients), since I’m taking some prophylactic meds, the MS is still very much actively screwing my brain and causing havoc. Which I don’t notice as attacks, but it’s still happening. Which sucks on so many levels that I still don’t know how to process it. My doc suggest a new treatment, which would be more aggressive and as it’s all about interfering with my immune system (to stop the autoimmune disease MS) this treatment is not without risks.
It’s just so much to take in at the moment and I feel like I’ve been thrown back to 2000, when I got the diagnosis MS and I had to process that and what it would mean for me and my life. When I spent so much time reading about it, searching the web for information, reading and writing on MS patient message boards, being a small part of the MS online community. I stopped doing that after a few years because I felt good, I thought I handled it rather well, I was optimistic, that it wouldn’t get that much worse and I just wanted to stop worrying about all that crap. I didn’t wanted to get dragged down and worry all the time and to read about patients who are doing so much worse and to always think that could be me next time.
Maybe I should have worried a bit more and paid a bit more attention to any – even the smallest changes – in my body?. Does the hand feel numb? Is there a tiny tingling in your feet? Does it pass or not? It’s so easy to get used to it, if it’s just tiny tiny changes, which you just don’t notice anymore after a while. Paying much closer attention to all these tiny changes would be a neccessary requirement with this new treatment and that’s scaring the crap out of me right now.
I guess there might be a special medical post some time later. Or maybe not if I deem it all too private to write about.
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The acute MS symtoms have lessened only slightly so far and I hope the remaining two corticosteroids IV will do the trick. I still am doing mostly ok with the IV and the side-effects, I get six to seven hours of sleep/rest each night, which isn’t too bad. I’m afraid today might have been a bit too much activity for me though, because about an hour ago I felt like I hit a wall of exhaustion. This passed and maybe I just didn’t had enough to drink and eat all day, but I’m planning to go to bed early today anyway. I actually had planned to finally watch “Look Back, Don’t Stare” (the Take That Documentary) tonight, but I’m not sure if I’ll really be up for that. I guess I really will go to bed right away once I’ve finished putting together this weeks Project365 post.
As the side effects didn’t trouble me too much in the last two days I actually managed to get some things done. Even work-related, which I hadn’t planned for the weekend, but I just was in the mood. Yesterday I thought I might be doing some more of that tonight, but… not going to happen. I sent some mail (for the job I’ll do from home anyway, but that’s it.)
I was at the hockey game this afternoon and my favourite team won! Yay! They had a narrow 1:0 lead until the middle of the last period, but then they scored an second and a third goal and just with a few minutes left in the game even goal nr. 4 and 5. They won 5:0 which was amazing, because they have been playing really bad for most of the season so far. So in the end it was a lot of fun to be there this afternoon.
Tomorrow (after the IV at my neurology practice) I plan to buy tickets for the next Sunrise Avenue concert. Yay! I had so much fun at their concerts last year, that I knew I’d be buying tickets for the next tour in 2011 as soon as these tickets will be available. So that’s the plan for tomorrow! Things I do to cheer me up these days :-)