I really don’t like myself much at the moment. Why? Because I’m lazy and unfocused and I avoid and put things off and procrastinate like a pro. At the moment it really seems like I could win gold medals if there was such a thing as the Worldchampionship of Procrastination. I feel like postponing and avoiding things is all I do. And I still haven’t figured out why. I always used to be a bit like that, especially with stuff or tasks I dreaded, but sooner or later I got over it and just dealt with whatever it was I postponed for a while. But this time, I feel like I don’t even do that, but let it all gather and pile up and bury me. Ok, the last might be exaggerating, but I really have no idea how to get out of this weird state of mind.
I spend much too much time thinking about anytime, anywhere or anyplace but the “right here right now”. If I don’t think about that, I watch TV shows or at the moment am completely hooked on the Wilderness novel series. I feel like I completely lack any self-control, because I know I should for example read textbooks for the grad school class I’m enrolled in at the moment instead of spending all my time reading about the Bonner family. I know that and I know that I should and could put the novel away and actually be productive in some way. I just don’t want to. Which might contradict the “could do it” part, I know.